whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
