Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
