two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
