Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
