My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
