Too much gin, very little bucket
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
