I bet he comes in French.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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