Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
