my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
