I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
only if we run a train.
done.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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