At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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