now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
