i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
