Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
