i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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