Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
