maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize