Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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