Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
