We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
