No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the condom got lost in my hair
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
