absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
