WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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