Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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