why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
