did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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