No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
