your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
