it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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