Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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