my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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