Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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