You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
