If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
