WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
