I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
