nut hugger
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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