I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
