So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
