I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
