sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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