I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
