I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
