I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
