Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
