Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
