Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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