hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They have beer where we have blood.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
