Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
