We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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