i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
