nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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