Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
