do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
