dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
