I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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