Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
