The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
