i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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