you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
