I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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