and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
