whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
