I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
