if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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