i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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