Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
