you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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