Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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