Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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